i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
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