I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
