Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
