I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
