i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Pooping to opera.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
