there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
