Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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