my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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