i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
