Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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