I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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