I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
