she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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