Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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