I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
