I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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