If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
