weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
