Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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