I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
