If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
