Who did Billy Mays play for?
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Two words: blizzard sex
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
