now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
