Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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