today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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