I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Im part way to drunk.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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