why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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