It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
