dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
