I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
