my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
