Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
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