I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Randomize
