I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
