Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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