Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
