"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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