did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
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