I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
