just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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