the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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