if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
