Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
