I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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