He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
She announced her abortion via fbk
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
