So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
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