So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I need to stop coming to work sober
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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