Just fell off a train. Bad.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon�
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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