i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
