"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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