Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
